25/11/2011

I have started writing this Diary today because I had no one with whom I could share my feelings.One thought that has been running through my mind since yesterday is that I don't want to just study for 12 years and become a Doctor.I want to do something else side by side.And becoming an Actress has always been my secret dream.I always wanted to become Miss BDPS.In other words,the Prom Queen of my school.But I just left it in between and shifted to US.Now I am studying over here.I know that there is a Prom Night over here,but I am never going to become the Prom Queen over here.I was kind of hurt when a friend of mine said that I am not that good to be a prom queen.I have always been very confident about myself.I have always thought that I am perfect.I just don't have any flaw according to me.But that thing has really pissed me off.Now I think that may be I am not that good looking.I always wanted to be a superstar.I wanted to be famous.I know that after I become a good doctor,I will become famous.But that thing will remain restricted to one area.But I wanted that a large group of people should know me.I wanted that everyone should watch me on their TV sets and say that,"Hey,That's Rabia!! Do you know her? She's just awesome." But all my dreams have shattered.Just because I am not that tall.I am 5'5".So I can not become a model.I always wanted a a tag that would have said Miss Something.I have always wanted a crown that models wear when they win. You know,yesterday I told my Mom that I want to become an actress side by side and she didn't take me seriously.I told my cousin.He started laughing at me.I told my boyfriend,he just smiled.I'm so damn hurt:'( So now I have decided that I will not become an actress.I will not even try because I'm not at all beautiful.I don't have a good body.I don't have a pretty face.I just don't have anything in me.I have been crying for so long.I really wish that I die soon.I just hate this world,where a person can not fulfill his dreams.I am such a dreamy person.I always dream that good things will happen with me.But everything goes in vain.I'm not a lucky person at all.I don't have a good luck.Only sufferings are written in my fate:'( I really wish I could die...:'(